Waiting for the Other to Change

Change is hard. None of us want to be alone in the process of change, especially when changing to improve a relationship. For this reason, people in relationships say things to themselves like, “I’ll change as soon as he changes” or “I’m changing, and I’m not getting any credit from her, so why should I keep changing?”

These types of thoughts, and other like them, do not lead to lasting relationship change. Here are three simple reasons you should try to improve your relationship, and make changes, even if it does not seem like the relationship is getting better.

1.       Making positive improvements, in the way you interact with your partner, is also a positive improvement in who you are as a person. When you say things like “I’m not changing until she changes” is like starving yourself just because your partner refuses to eat. Positive change is good, regardless of whether or not it is happening together.

2.       Be patient with change. When you feel like you are not getting credit for the changes you are making, don’t stop. Hurt and resentment are thick and it take time to break a hole through to the other side. If your having a hard time, remember reason number one.

3.       Catch your partner being good! Instead of focusing on your partner giving your credit for what you are doing to change, focus on complimenting your partner on the changes that he or she has made. Give credit for even small changes.


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