IQ [intelligence quotient] has long been a standard tool for measuring our ability to acquire knowledge and make use of that knowledge to solve various problems. For Einstein it was solving the problem of relativity; for us it is solving the problems of relativity in marriage!
EQ is “emotional intelligence” which has to do with our ability to understand, empathize, and basically get along with other people—critical skills in marriage! The 5 key areas of EQ are: motivation, social skills, emotional regulation, self-awareness, and empathy. Most women have EQ down well. Men do fairly well in the areas of motivation and social skills, and if we control our temper we do okay in emotional regulation. However, we are often found lacking in the last two critical categories—self-awareness and empathy, which is particularly harmful in marriage.
EQ is generally found in high abundance as we date: we show great interest, are keen and empathetic listeners, and go out of our way to convey admiration and appreciation. Then a little while after the marriage vows are said, we suddenly seem to lose our EQ and our wives are left wondering where that guy went that they were dating. The lack of EQ on the part of husbands leads some wives to develop a consumer mentality of comparison shopping and looking for a better trade-in!
What can guys do? Loosen your grip on the need to be in charge, in control, and be more aware of your own insecurity. Pay your wife a sincere compliment [often] or find some other way to express your appreciation and respect for her. You will be on the road to becoming more empathetic and once again the better listener and more respectful partner that you were while dating and this will go a long way to creating a happier home life and affirming your IQ!