Stop the Relationship Wrestling

Take down–two points. Reversal–two points. Pin–for the win. These are all things I witnessed at my son’s most recent wrestling tournament. As I sat and watched my son wrestle, I couldn’t help but think that I see a similar pattern of verbal and emotional behavior from many of the couples I have seen in my office. Each of these couples seem more concerned with taking down their partner or finding a reversal of a comeback. While some partners some partners will go to great lengths to get the pin … [Read more...]

Create a Magical Couple Relationship

When I was a little boy, I would lay awake anticipating what presents Santa Claus was going to bring me. In spite of fact that Santa Claus never gave me what I had asked for, year after year I would experience the wonder and excitement of anticipating what Santa would bring me. I believe my childhood anticipation was a gift that made this time of year “magical” for me. As I think about other “magical” moments in my life that I have awaited with excited anticipation, I think about, the time I … [Read more...]

Family First

We live in a world driven by aspirations, public opinion, and striving to be the best. Why do we do this? The short and blunt answer might be: image management. At what cost? The short and blunt answer might be: our families. I have been one who has always strived to excel. I worked hard as a child to live up to my potential. I secured a scholarship to college, attended the best graduate programs in my field, ran for public office, sat on advisory boards, developed a successful business that … [Read more...]

In Which Category Do Your Relationship Problems Fall?

In my office I frequently hear couples say, “When a couple can’t agree on things like sex and money and can’t communicate, they end up getting divorced…Right?” These may be perceived reasons that cause divorce, but I suggest that there are three categories where the majority of relationship problems land. May I suggest that it is the beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors, that are at the root of each of the three categories below, that leads to relationship problems and ultimately leads to … [Read more...]

Can our marriage be saved?

A common question I receive at first appointments from couples is: Can our marriage be saved? This is a good question. One that can help you determine if you should or should not try to work through things in counseling. If you ever find yourself asking this question, consider these thoughts: Do you love your spouse? Are you willing to improve with out needing to wait to see if your spouse improves first? Are you willing to work on strengthening your friendship with and commitment … [Read more...]

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