Default or Intentional

A copy machine is designed with a default setting: push the button and it automatically makes one black and white copy. If you want something different, you must intentionally select the settings that you want: more copies, double-sided, enlarged, color. etc. This may work well with copy machines, but not so well with marriages and families. The default setting for many marriages and families is that of minimal connection, meals on the run, unplanned and heated exchanges about schedules, chores, … [Read more...]

IQ vs EQ

IQ [intelligence quotient] has long been a standard tool for measuring our ability to acquire knowledge and make use of that knowledge to solve various problems. For Einstein it was solving the problem of relativity; for us it is solving the problems of relativity in marriage! EQ is “emotional intelligence” which has to do with our ability to understand, empathize, and basically get along with other people—critical skills in marriage! The 5 key areas of EQ are: motivation, social skills, … [Read more...]

Managing Life’s Roadblocks

There are times in our life plans when we feel like we have hit a brick wall. These types of barriers can be any obstacle, real or perceived, that prevents us from achieving a desired objective. This can occur in our personal life or in any type of relationship whether with a spouse, a family member, friend, or co-worker. We struggle to understand why the other person [whom we perceive to be the obstacle] cannot change to meet our [rational or irrational] needs. When we do approach roadblocks, … [Read more...]

Managing In-Law Conflicts

When we marry, we may believe that we married just our best friend. Yet we soon find that we also married his/her family. Sometimes extended family connections are kept light and distant; others are deep and enmeshed. The issue of how to manage these family connections sometimes brings a spirit of divisiveness into an otherwise cordial marriage. Sociologist and researcher John Gottman describes the conflict this way: “Such conflicts usually surface quite early in a marriage…. [but] can be … [Read more...]

Say YES to Saying NO! : A Guide to Overcoming People Pleasing

Self Test: YES NO Will you do whatever is asked of you to keep everyone around you happy? YES NO Is it everyone else more important than yourself? YES NO Is it saying “no” hard for you? YES NO Is it to be needed almost an addiction for you? YES NO When you are needed it make you feel important? Even when you know that somebody might be taking advantage of you? YES NO Is it making positive contributions to someone else’s life is highly fulfilling for … [Read more...]

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