Start Small and Build

When we are trying to overcome relationship challenges we can make things worse by trying to fix everything at once. The pattern of the way we relate to others has been established over many years. Many factors such as our upbringing, biology, personal experiences and relationship experiences, just to name a few, have a profound influence on how we relate to others.
Improving a relationship takes work. Individually and together we need to engage in the work of trying to change things that are not working in the relationship. When we try to change everything at once we set ourselves up for failure. For instance, if I wanted to complete a marathon, I wouldn’t just wake up one day, with zero training or practice, and expect to complete my goal.
When we are trying to overcome deep seated relationship problems remember the following tips:
1. Start with the smallest, most achievable, changes and then build from there.
2. Don’t expect immediate, consistent results. Old patterns of behavior take time to replace with new patterns.
3. Don’t expect perfection from yourself or your partner.
4. Be patient. Change takes time.
5. Give encouragement to one another
6. Give credit to one another for small progress that is made. The problems does not need to be solved in order to give one another credit for trying to change.

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