Road Work Ahead

Ah, those oh so familiar signs of summer! It can be frustrating to put up with the slow downs and detours that occur as road crews work to repair the potholes that developed during the winter, along with the general wear and tear of high traffic use. We also post “road work needed” signs in our relationships. These are the verbal and non-verbal cues we send to our partners and family members that their attention is needed. How well these cues are responded to is an important key to the health of … [Read more...]

Which Part is Mine?

It isn’t uncommon that I have a couple in my office that is struggling, and one or both partners are so worried about, upset with, or hurt by the other that they really want the other to apologize, fix things, and change. Unfortunately, what can sometimes happen is that one or both partners begins to try and force, coerce, or demand the other to do what they want in an effort to make things better or right in their relationship. Even worse is when one partner begins to try and do the work that … [Read more...]

Think Anew and Act Anew Together

  On December 1, 1862, in a letter to congress, President Abraham Lincoln said “We can succeed only by concert. It is not ‘can any of us imagine better?’ but, ‘can we all do better?’ The dogmas of the quiet past, are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise -- with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country.” There are a few key words I … [Read more...]

Infidelity: Myths, Facts and Taking Action to Safeguard your Relationship

Unfortunately, infidelity in relationships may be more common than we realize. The numbers do vary somewhat depending on what studies you look at but an anonymous survey by YouGov in 2015 found that about 1 in 5 Americans admitted to cheating on their partner. Assuming this number is fairly accurate, it is likely that you or someone close to you have cheated or been the victim of infidelity in your relationship. Furthermore, if it hasn't happened to you, it's likely if you aren't vigilant about … [Read more...]

The Healthy Self: Esteem, Love, and Worth

Is there such a thing as loving oneself too much? What about too little? How do we achieve the balance of self; in the sense that it is just right? Let’s delve into what each of these actually mean and then expand upon their relationship towards each other: Self-esteem: what we THINK and FEEL and BELIEVE about ourselves. Self-love: regard for one’s own WELL-BEING and HAPPINESS. Self-worth: one’s own VALUE as a person. Each of these aspects of self have an integral part to play in … [Read more...]

Cost vs. Benefits Relationships in a Consumer World

Have you ever heard parents of teenagers say things like, “What am I getting out of being a parent to this kid?" and "When do I start getting something in return?" It sounds like these parents love their children but are stressed by the job of parenting. This kind of cost-benefit language used from well-intentioned parents can lead good parents to emotionally disconnected families and communities. According to Dr. William Doherty, the author of Take Back your Marriage, In the late 1960’s … [Read more...]

The Raw Spots

This weekend we were spending time as a family with our good friends up at Bear Lake. My son and daughter were playing outside when my son came in and asked for a paper towel. I looked down to see that he had skinned his knee and was bleeding in one spot and had road rash down his leg. Concerned, I asked what had happened. He didn’t want to say. After helping him clean the wound and get a bandaid, he sheepishly admitted: “It was instant karma mom. I was teasing my sister and tried to take a … [Read more...]

Avoid Financial Infidelity with M-O-N-E-Y

  When a person in a relationship persists in being dishonest or secretive about money, it can be called financial infidelity. Specific instance of financial infidelity may  include things like making a large purchase without the other person knowing; hiding purchases that have not been agreed upon in the budget; or changing investments, or making risky investments without the other person knowing, just to name a few. There are many reasons why someone would engage in a financial … [Read more...]

Should I Expect My Partner to Change for Me?

Do you believe your spouse should change for you or vice versa? I've heard a lot of people say, "I don't want him to change who he is because I'm unhappy." I can see where these people are coming from. They have unmet needs but feel it is asking too much or would be going against who their partner is to ask him/her to change. And I do think that we should each take accountability for our own part in the good and the bad in our marriages.  However, I believe there is a different way of looking at … [Read more...]

The Game of Life

  This morning my wife was singing, “We’re Better When We’re Together” and it made me think how often she and I are out in the community with people we may not know, but how much better it makes us feel, think, and live when we act kind, thoughtful, and see everyone around us as part of the same team. More like comrades, associates, and literal human resources to this game we call LIFE.   We are all living it and playing the game. Some of us are currently on offense, defense, … [Read more...]

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