“How was your day?”

This question is one we often ask our spouse or our kids when we see them at the end of the day but how effective is it at really helping us connect? Dr. John Gottman suggests a formula for this type of conversation that will help reduce stress and feel more connected in our relationships. Who couldn't use more stress-reduction and connection in their lives?? Gottman suggests the following steps to create a support conversation that will help you each reduce stress at the end of the day: … [Read more...]

Take the Next Best Step

My dad once directed me to, "Look at where you're at, where you want to be, and then take the next best step to get there."  At the time I was graduating from high school and trying to figure out which university to attend.  I knew I wanted to be an English Major, but that was the only detail I had worked out.  Figuring out where I was was easy--I was a 17 year old high school senior in a small town without any universities close by.  Regardless of where I went to school, I was going to have to … [Read more...]

Why “I’m BORED” Might Be One Of The Best Things You’ll Hear Your Kids Say This Summer!

    Summertime and boredom often seem to go hand-in-hand at our house! Like most parents, I wince a little when I hear those words, in part because I spent many years falsely believing that “good moms” took on the role of cruise-director for their kids’ lives. I REALLY wanted to be a “good mom” so I went to great lengths to make sure my kids weren’t bored. Camps, lessons, daily scheduled activities, we did it all! Don’t get me wrong - camps, lessons and daily activities … [Read more...]

Three Steps to a More Compassionate Self

Everybody has a hard day. We all struggle from time to time. No one is perfect. While these phrases may sound cliche, they are in fact a path to becoming more gentle and kind to yourself. Dr. Kristin Neff thinks so too. She has devoted her work to better understanding what she calls self-compassion. Self-compassion is simply being kind to yourself when you are struggling. It isn't uncommon that I have someone in my office who is struggling in some way. Life is full of difficult situations. … [Read more...]

Avoiding The Four Horsemen

The metaphor of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is used by Dr. John Gottman to describe communication styles. According to Gottman, these styles of communication predict and contribute to ailing relationships. The Four Horsemen can be perilous because they often strengthen negativity and harm relationships. Avoiding The Four Horsemen builds friendship, helps us manage conflict, and can help us support each other's hopes and dreams. Relationships are not doomed because partners criticize. … [Read more...]

What is neurofeedback?

I consider it important for me to be aware of treatment options available for my clients. Recently, this one specific treatment option has been beeping onto my radar over and over: NEUROFEEDBACK. I first became impressed by Neurofeedback when I saw a little boy struggling with behaviors, tantrums, violent outbursts become calm, and for the first time, in control. Like many others, he had entered treatment and done recommended treatment, sometimes about 40 sessions. Neurofeedback is a … [Read more...]

When Saying Yes Means Saying No

It is a little ironic that the words "Yes" and "No" are opposites, and yet are also inseparable.  While I might say No to a night out with friends, it means I'm saying Yes to a night with my husband, or with myself.  As an introvert, it's pretty important for me to recharge my ability to interact with others, and regular alone time is essential to that.  I say Yes to me when I say No to others sometimes.  When I say Yes to reading a novel, I'm saying No to my other hobbies and chores.  If I say … [Read more...]

Supporting Children When Parents Divorce – Part Three

COMMUNICATION BASICS FOR CO-PARENTING Research shows that children of divorced couples who follow co-parenting principles can develop emotional resilience and maintain healthy connections with both parents. What is Co-Parenting? When divorced couples agree to share the responsibilities for raising their children and support each other’s efforts to do so, they are committing to the idea of co-parenting. Ensuring that children are provided opportunities to maintain a stable relationship … [Read more...]

I just learned my husband is looking at Pornography! What should I do for me? (Part II of II)

My last article answered the question “Should I talk to a therapist about my loved one’s affair or other betrayal?” and can be accessed here. Once you have decided to meet with a therapist I recommend the therapist you work with to have a map for what will happen next. Extensive research headed by Dr. Michael Olson has found that partners go through three stages to recover from infidelity; 1)Roller Coaster, 2)Moratorium and 3) Trust Building. I will focus on Phase one and what your plan will … [Read more...]

Helping your child become resilient through success.

Image: the young boy learning to tie his shoes for the first time Or the toddler learning to use the light switch the first time A little girl trying to make the swings go on her own Childhood is full of daily growth for children. Their milestones occur frequently and in a matter of time what was a milestone has become a mastered routine. A child can become more resilient when his success is nurtured. Children and the adults in their life are what make an experience meaningful. Teachers … [Read more...]