Have you ever arrived home from work and realized you don’t remember driving there? All of us have those moments where we shift into “autopilot” mode and our thoughts drift elsewhere. Shifting into autopilot can be easy when what we are doing is routine and we’ve done it often (like driving home from work). This can even happen in our relationships. Often we go through our day and forget to be purposeful in our marriage. Practicing mindfulness can prevent autopilot mode and improve your relationship with your spouse.
The idea behind mindfulness is essentially training our minds to be fully present in each moment. In the fast-paced and hectic world we live in, it is easy to be thinking and worrying about several things while doing a task or having a conversation. However, when we are preoccupied while interacting with our spouse, we are missing out on the potential to connect and enjoy the moment. Here a few ways to begin practicing mindfulness in your relationship:
1. Listen mindfully. When your spouse is talking, make an effort to actively listen to what he or she is saying. If your mind begins to wander, gently guide your thoughts back to the present conversation.
2. Live in the moment. Living in the moment requires you to stop multitasking. When you are spending time with your spouse, put away electronics or other distractions and invest your attention on the present moment. While multitasking can be a helpful tool at times, your spouse will feel more valued and connected when you focus solely on him or her. Enjoy each moment as it happens so you will have a savings account full of positive memories to draw from when hard times arise.
3. Stay focused on the present. Resist the urge to use your energy on worrying about the past or the future. Of course, it is important to plan for the future and past issues need to be resolved, but the more you can focus on one day at a time, the more energy you will have to invest in your relationship. When an argument arises, focus on what is presently bothering you and try to work it out from that perspective first.
4. Be purposeful with your actions. Just as driving home can become routine, a marriage can become mundane. To combat the mundane, make an effort to do the little things that matter. Text your spouse during the day just to say hi, offer a back rub after a long day, give your spouse a purposeful kiss rather than a peck on the cheek when you come home, ask about his or her day with an intent to actively listen.
It is easy to get into a routine and to become distracted in our relationships. However, practicing mindfulness will strengthen the connection you have with your spouse and help prevent your marriage from shifting into autopilot.
