Have you ever been in a situation when someone one has said or done something that hurt your feelings? Have you ever held on to feelings of anger, pain, sadness, or rejection?  Have you ever felt like your mind and body are so much more flooded when that person is your partner, child or family member? I am sure that we all can say YES to these questions.

It is hard to understand how someone you love and care for could do something to cause some or all of these feelings making it difficult to emotionally connect to that person. These verbal expressions and actions could be anything from hearing your loved one say something hurtful or a trust violation involving lies, secrets, and lack of communication. Fortunately, everyone can get through those rough times. This will require unconditional love, forgiveness, commitment, hard work and letting go, no holding back on those feelings anymore!

But how? The main idea that many people seem to get stuck on is the popular saying “forgive and forget.” They often wonder how they will ever be able to forget when it seems to be too painful. It is true! It is difficult to forget the words and behaviors that have caused so many different emotions, and probably, you will never completely forget. The key is “the forgetting is not the problem, the forgiving is the problem.” Then, you intentionally need to decide to “forgive and let go.” Here are some ways to move forward through letting go:

1. Let go by taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions. You can decide to be hurt or not.
2. Let go of feelings and perceptions of yourself as a victim of other’s behaviors and emotions.
3. Let go by accepting instead of denying the situation.
4. Let go by using intentional forgiving and personal empowerment.
5. Let go of feelings of resentment, anger, frustration and do not hold onto them anymore!

Research shows that those “trapped” negative emotions can hold you back from enjoying life to its fullest, and by focusing on the negative emotions you actually giving up your personal power!  We are all unique, and some people are able to work through forgiveness on their own while some others might need to seek help and guidance from professional counseling. At Boyle Counseling & Consultation we are here to support your journey to your happier self!