I used to keep a needlepoint pillow in my office that had the phrase “It is what it is” stitched across the front of it. I have always loved this idea and have found comfort in my own life when I’ve been able to attain that level of complete acceptance, but it wasn’t until my second year of graduate school that I learned it has a clinical name and application: Radical acceptance.

Radical acceptance is a principle from Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It is based in Eastern philosophy and mindfulness practice and incorporates:

• An awareness of what we can and cannot control.
• A non-judgmental stance that allows us to observe reality without labeling it as “good or bad.”
• The ability to be present in the moment.

It is human nature to avoid painful emotions, so we often instinctively push away acceptance of reality when it causes distress. However, when we are willing to “lean in” to painful experiences and allow ourselves to live with some discomfort, we paradoxically achieve higher levels of emotional regulation and satisfaction in our life and relationships.

Practicing radical acceptance does not mean we give up our needs, that we condone abusive behaviors, or that we avoid change. Rather, it assures that we will continue to create meaning in our lives despite the challenges and struggles we all face.