Why we go cold on our partners

I recently came across this video by the School of Life. The video helps viewers understand the distance and cold we can sometimes feel for, or from, our partner. They don’t use the word attachment in the video. Attachment is the idea that humans are born with an innate ability and desire to attach to a caregiver. Having a secure attachment to our parents creates a safe world where little human children feel safe and free to explore. Children with strong attachment regulate their emotions better, and manage relationships in adulthood with more ease.

The desire to be connected doesn’t change when we grow into adulthood. Our partner becomes our attachment figure. Our world’s security begins revolving around them. When we are secure as adults, we are productive and happy. When we are not secure we tend to have some strange coping mechanisms like; withdrawing from your partner or pursuing your partner in times of crisis. If these behaviors are not understood properly from the person experiencing them, that person may make faulty conclusions about their relationship.

This video discusses in every day language why we can sometimes grow bored of our partners, and what that really means about our relationship.

If the video doesn’t start on its own, here is the link:  https://vimeo.com/199826671

This video come from The School of Life. Several years ago, I came across the Alain De Botton’s The School of Life. The school is a group of “unidealogical people” (read: athetist) who saw the importance of  finding answers to life’s difficult questions. They developed “religion for atheists.” The school was created to develop emotional intelligence in a community, share abstract ideas more like those seen at church rather than at a university. The school finds religion absurd, but its powerful teachings worth learning from. It’s quite an interesting idea, and was started in Europe.  It reminds me of TED, but the organization is more focused on solving big life problems. Of course, as a therapist, I support more people having healthier relationships and higher emotional intelligence!

Facebooktwitterlinkedinemail hidden; JavaScript is requiredFacebooktwitterlinkedinemail hidden; JavaScript is required