I have a “monkey brain” when it comes to knowing what helps me feel loved or how to express to my partner how they can help me feel loved. All day long, my thoughts swing around like monkeys in a rainforest. I can just see them swing from one topic to another, screeching out loud, Hey, here’s another worry. How about this one, don’t forget it. You should be doing this. What about this problem? No, you should be doing that! Swing, swing, screech, screech…over and over again. Finally, I’m just so exhausted with all of this thinking, I find a tree limb where I sit, eat ants, drool and scratch…

Love is a choice after the “in love” obsession has died off. This is good news for couples that want to remain together for their lifetime. This means we have the capacity to love after infatuation has died off and we return to planet earth. That kind of love begins with an attitude – a way of thinking. Love is the attitude that says, “I am committed to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.” Then the one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision.

• What does your partner do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you could possibly be what helps you to feel loved.
• What have you most often requested of your partner? That is most likely what makes you feel loved.
• In what way do you regularly express love to your partner? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that would also make you feel loved.

Try this: first, list the names of your closest family and friends. Now, rate your perception of their wellbeing. Did you know that the odds of your being happy increases by 15% if a direct connection in your social network is happy? The quality of our social network truly affects all parts of our life. One interesting study measured the effects of the quality of marriage on the ability to heal from wounds. They brought 42 married couples into a hospital, created several small wounds on their arms and then measured the rate of healing. For those couples who reported hostility, the wounds took almost twice as long to heal! So as you look at your list, spend more time with those who are doing well – let their positive presence inspire you to increased health and perhaps serve as an ointment to your wounds.

Your relationship is more important than everything you resent and worthy of appreciation, time, energy, effort, and sacrifice. Share with your partner what helps you to feel loved.