Helping kids through divorce

Unfortunately, despite many people who get married with good intentions there are a great many marriages that do end in divorce. Some stats predict that of all the children born last year, 50% of them will experience their parents divorce by the time they are 18 years old. Those same parents, with the same intentions to protect kids can accidentally make their divorce a great challenge on their children. I think the biggest NO-NO for parents divorcing is to give their child the impression … [Read more...]

Why we go cold on our partners

I recently came across this video by the School of Life. The video helps viewers understand the distance and cold we can sometimes feel for, or from, our partner. They don't use the word attachment in the video. Attachment is the idea that humans are born with an innate ability and desire to attach to a caregiver. Having a secure attachment to our parents creates a safe world where little human children feel safe and free to explore. Children with strong attachment regulate their emotions … [Read more...]

Why I’m so glad I finally let myself go to therapy

I’ve been seeing clients since 2009, so one might assume that when my own personal crisis (aka opportunity) struck, that I would have been first in line at the therapist’s office. NOPE! One the day of my first (scheduled) therapy appointment I was so afraid, that I didn’t even call to cancel. I did not show up. I hid from my phone in case anyone called to ask why I had not shown up. I felt I had to justify deep enough suffering to attend therapy. I reasoned, erroneously, that my issue was not a … [Read more...]

Helping kids transition with divorce

Every divorce is different, and so is each child’s perception of their parents’ divorce. Especially depending on your child’s age, the same events can be viewed in drastically different ways. This is why is can be hard for parents to understand what their children need during the immediate transition towards divorce. One of the biggest challenges for children in the divorce is being unsure and worried that they wont get enough time with either parent. Their world as they knew it just fell … [Read more...]

Collaborating with your therapist

I know a lot. I do. But the more I learn, the more I realize how much I do not know. Sometimes I go to therapy conferences and continuing education classes and learn amazing things. I can't wait to use the new information. Learning also means there are plenty of times when I look back at moments in therapy and cringe at my therapist self. "Samonsonite?! I was WAY off!" Think about it, I can't always say the perfect thing, that's not humanly possible. Sometimes I make unhelpful assumptions. … [Read more...]