If you have children, you may have wondered at a time when they were struggling, “What does my child need, and how can I help him or her get those needs met?” For parents with children who have dealt with divorce, you may wonder, “How can I help my child survive a devastating divorce, and how can I lessen the negative impact of divorce for my child?” The following are 4 things that help distressed kids.
- Structure- Structure is when parents give clear directions, boundaries, and rules. This helps the child’s world feel more predictable and safe. Routines that are consistent give children the ability to self-regulate when other challenges arise. Despite resistance children may initially give against structure, it is a main intervention for reducing anxiety in children.
Questions to Ponder-What structures do I have in place? Which ones could be helpful for our family?
- Engagement- Engagement is when a child can learn to connect with another person. Renown play therapist, Gary Landreth, described 4 healing messages that parents can send to children when they can engage with them: (a) I am here-nothing will distract me, I am fully present physically and emotionally (b) I hear you- I will listen with my ears and eyes to what you have to say, (c) I understand- aim to understand the depth and meaning of the child’s experiences, and (d) I care- when I send the previous 3 message, the child will no longer see me as a threat and allow me into their world.
Questions to ponder-Do I engage enough with my child? When I am with them, what would help me be more present?
- Nurture- Nurture is caring, comforting, and warm affection, and it is the most important of the 4 things that help distressed kids. Parents can show nurture in many ways such as hugging, feeding, bathing, soothing, caressing, cradling, rocking, and kissing their children. This helps kids feel love and valued by their caretakers. Nurturing helps kids be able to tolerate stress and to self-regulate. It is the biggest factor in building a secure bond with children.
Questions to ponder-How do I nurture my children? Can my children tolerate stress well, how can I nurture them so they can self-regulate better?
- Challenge- An element of challenge helps kids build confidence by mastering new skills and taking appropriate risks. Parents can help structure appropriate challenges for kids that help them to succeed. Challenge is a way to release tension and overcome fears. Through challenge kids can build belief in his or her abilities.
Questions to ponder-What are the ways my child is challenged? Does my child feel confident that he or she can overcome challenges and fears?
